Adam’s Experience

As most of you know, I’ve spent most of my life as a city boy, raised in the concrete jungle called Montreal.

When looking for a place to live during the week in Ottawa for work, I made a short list of locations close to Nepean where the studio was, and planned out my day to travel around the city checking them out with my family.

But the day before my planned location scout, I came across an article on Kijiji, listing a “horse ranch” that had a room available. Although the idea of staying on a horse ranch was enticing, the single picture listed on the internet wasn’t much to go by. A photograph of an emptied horse stall, but that was it. Apart from sleeping in the stall, I really didn’t know what to think of it.

So the following day, I headed down by car and drove down to Ottawa.

Since the ranch was in Osgoode, about 30 minutes south of Ottawa, we decided to check that out first, then head north into Ottawa afterwards.

Upon arriving, I quickly came to realize that the photographs online didn’t come close to doing the beautiful ranch justice. Acres and acres of beautiful landscape, a cozy and welcoming home.

What resonated with me the most however, was the immediate connection I had with Marlene Armstrong and her family. We just hit it off, and I immediately fell in love with the place. To me, energy is what matters most, and the energy of this place was wonderful.

For the sake of argument however, seeing is how we had driven 200+ kilometers to check out locations, I decided we might as well see what else was available.

So we thanked Marlene and headed to our second location in Nepean, located only 5 minutes from the studio where I would be working.

Walking in to visit it however, I did so with the knowledge that my heart was already set on the ranch, and the idea of driving such a distance every day, when combined with the gorgeous landscape and the family I would be staying with, wasn’t an obstacle at all. The very UNpleasant atmosphere of the second home we went to visit only confirmed my first choice.

Although I had another 5 or 6 places scheduled to visit that day, in locations scattered around Ottawa and Gatineau, I decided that my search was over and I called and cancelled all of my other appointments.

Within the week, I packed my bags and moved into to the ranch.

Now this is where the real story starts. 

Although it would had been perfectly normal and acceptable of me to treat this living arrangement as simply that – a living arrangement – going to work during the day, returning to the ranch, having dinner and heading to bed for the evening, in the end that’s not what happened.

Almost immediately, a very genuine and close relationship started to manifest at Foxview Stables, between myself, Marlene, the other people staying at her ranch and her daughters. It wasn’t intentional, it was simply natural. We just got along – and got along in a very authentic way.

We had dinner together every evening, we chatted and got to know each other, and I spent very little time locked away in my room. I spent most of my time hanging out with them, sharing our days together.

We honestly, and unintentionally, started to feel more and more like family, and all of this happened very quickly.

Then one day, Marlene approached me with a business proposal.

She told me that she needed her logo updated, and asked if I would be interested in bartering our services – and offered me an equus coaching session in exchange for my design.

Up until meeting Marlene, I had never even heard of equus coaching, but knowing Marlene’s character and how authentic she was, had a feeling that it might be worthwhile finding out. So I accepted her offer.

But I had zero expectations. I had zero incentive to pursue equus coaching, because I wasn’t at a point in my life where I felt I needed it. I was at a happy and productive part of my life. I approached this opportunity for the sake of enjoying a new experience in my life, but nothing more.

So we scheduled my coaching session, and a few days later, before heading into the round pen in the outdoor arena to start, Marlene and Maureen (her partner), sat me down and explained what the process was and why horses were involved..

She explained to me that “horses, much like humans, are a vulnerable species – they don’t have thick armored skin, they don’t have sharp teeth or claws, they don’t have natural camouflage. A horse’s main defense against predators is their speed, their keen senses, and their incredibly sharp intuition.”

She went on to explain that “Horses, much like humans, have developed this keen intuition over thousands of thousands of years. When the leader of the herd, the lead mare, would tilt her ear for instance, her herd was so in tune to her every gesture, that every one of them would lift their head..the signal could be so subtle that it could go unnoticed by most, but her simple gesture would send off an alert to every one of them, and they would all quickly and immediately respond.”

“If danger was present, she would take off running and the herd would follow – if no danger was present, she lower her head and continue eating, and the herd would follow suit.”

“Along with this incredible sense of intuition and alertness” Marlene continued “comes an incredible sensitivity to energy. A horse can and does feel everything that you feel.”

“Furthermore, a horse has no judgement whatsoever. They don’t care how you look, how you dress, how charming you are, how strong or quick you are, all they know and care for, that you possess, is your energy”

She went on to explain “this is why we coach with horses Adam. It’s actually the horses that do all the work, I just listen. Everything that you feel, the horse will feel and mirror. Everything that you TRULY feel will be mirrored right back at you through the horse, and it doesn’t matter how diplomatic, calm, composed, confident you may be acting, the horse has no care for that – all they can feel is what’s truly going on inside, and there’s no training seminar on earth that can teach you how to hide that”.

Sure, all of this was very fascinating, and although I was very excited to get started with the session, like I had mentioned earlier, I really didn’t walk in expecting to have some miraculous epic life altering phenomena. I just wanted to try it out without expectation.

And I expressed this feeling openly to Marlene – her response wasn’t in words – she just smirked and said “ok”

So after a short questionnaire, asking what I would like to get out of the session, we headed to the barn, prepared Dusty (the horse) and headed to the arena.

We did a few breathing and centering exercises beforehand, then Marlene gave me a few instructions on how to lead the horse with my energy, gave me a few quick warnings on where NOT to stand, grabbed me by the belt and collar and tossed me in like a sack of flour….(ok that part’s a slight exaggeration).

Now to mention beforehand, being an artist, energy plays a very important part in my life. I’m very in touch with my own energy and the energy of all living things, so I wasn’t spooked by the concept when it was brought up. It made perfect sense to me.

So I walked into the round pen with Dusty and did as I was instructed to do. I used my energy to lead Dusty around the pen…to lead her to walk in one direction, to lead her to canter, to change directions, to stop, and so on…

Then Marlene and Maureen explained to me that what I would eventually want to aim to do, was to create a connection with Dusty. She explained that for a horse to connect with you, was in fact establishing yourself, the person, as the lead mare – the leader.

In order for her to connect with me, she needed to feel confident in me that I was a reliable leader, and the only way to forge this connection was through my energy, not my actions – although my actions needed to be specific enough with her that she would not be distracted and/or given off false messages.

So I did just that, and proudly, we made the connection, and without hesitation, Dusty accepted me and followed closely behind me.

If I walked, she walked, nose over my shoulder.

If I stopped, she stopped immediately.

Although I was deeply touched by this experience, as far as “coaching” was concerned in regards to my own life, nothing had really happened yet. I just started feeling close and comfortable with Dusty.

And I confidently led her back out to the edge of the pen and led her back into a canter…

This is where things started to get interesting…

You see, in my head, I had created that connection with Dusty, as humans do. I felt very much the same way any child walking into a daycare for the first time would feel, when they would walk up to another child and hand them a toy, which the other child would accept, then say “ok, you’re my friend now”, then hold hands and go and play together.

To the human me, the hard part was done. We connected.

So the human energy in me changed.

In my head, I had decided “well, we’re friends now, so I guess the logical next step would be to strengthen that friendship”

So I walked up to her again, hugged her, rubbed her neck, and turned around again to walk – but at that point, after being there for 15 minutes already, did feel a bit awkward.

I mean think about it, I’m standing alone in a round pen, with a horse, with two women outside watching me.

They work with horses professionally. This is their livelihood.

And there’s 6″3 Adam, standing in his jeans and jacket, acting all warm and loving to a dark brown horse…at a certain point you’re almost hoping for the director to yell “OK CUT – CHECK THE GATE” and you can head over to the refreshment stand to have your cheese sandwich.

But that didn’t happen, they just kept watching us.

So ok, I decided to pat Dusty a bit more, then I turned around and walked forward again, but this time, Dusty just stood still – she didn’t follow.

So I turned around, now maybe a bit embarrassed, and walked back to her.

I gave her a bit more affection, thinking “ok, I can butter her up if I show her a little love”, Dusty happily accepted my affection.

I turned around again, walked forward, Dusty once again, just stood there.

A short wave of embarrassment ran through me, feeling like I was about to fail my test in front of the judges.

But that’s not what happened.

I looked over to Marlene and she asked me “what just happened?”

I replied “em…I don’t know”

Marlene said “well, why isn’t Dusty following you?”

I said “I don’t know, I….dont’ know”

Marlene continued “what changed in you between the time Dusty WAS following you and now?”

I said “well, the first time, my only intention was to establish a connection with her, but once that was done, I didn’t want to just bully her around the pen for the next few hours, so I wanted to create a more personal relationship, let her know that our relationship was a loving one”

“yeah” said Marlene with a smile “but she’s a horse. If she didn’t trust you or care for you, then she wouldn’t follow you – something changed in you to make her stop responding to you”

“yeah I know” I said, “but I wanted to bring more love into the connection with her”

“that’s wonderful” she replied “but in being loving to Dusty, you somehow lost that connection with her – why is that?”

That’s when I was forced to laugh a bit nervously. I felt a bit caught in the headlights with that question.

Marlene continued “Dusty is a horse. As I mentioned earlier, she doesn’t care how charming you are, she doesn’t read facial expressions, she doesn’t give anyone that benefit of the doubt, she isn’t reading anything from you that your energy isn’t telling her. When you decided for yourself that you wanted to create a closer emotional bond with her, the connection you wanted with her was broken rather than strengthened – why is that?”

“AHHA!” – “hmmmmmmmm…..”

Now, I’m not going to delve any deeper into the personal side of what ensued, but the realization that was made with Dusty, Marlene and Maureen at this moment, was one of numerous “ahha” moments that I had over the next few hours in the pen.

And being human, I can say with utter surety that I had zero “epic” moments in that pen.

I learned something far more potent, and far more enlightening and far more humbling than that.

What ensued in that pen led me to realizations about myself, my life, my career, my relationships, my family – that led me to countless emotional extremes, from terrible sadness, to fear, to anxiety, to rekindled strength and focus, to new found love and acceptance.

It all happened for REAL.

I was reconnected with myself in ways that I didn’t even realize I had lacked or lost.

Most importantly, I was reconnected with myself in ways that I could not forget or lose.

I only spent a few hours in that pen with Dusty, but to this day, my life has changed for the better. My focus on myself, my career, my relationship, my passions in life, are clearer and more focused than they ever have been. I understand myself in ways that I never have, and I pursue the things that matter to me in ways that simply work properly.

Something changed in me that day that I can’t un-change, nor would I ever want them to.

I was connected with a simplicity of mind and let go of the “epic pursuit” that we’re all fed by psychologists and media. There was absolutely nothing epic about it – but there was something completely sincere and simple and powerful about it.

My life, through myself, has completely changed for the better as a result of this experience with Equus Coaching, and as I continue on this path, it only grows stronger.

And this is coming from someone who has lived, for far too long, with the learned belief that “psychology is like technology – it’s only as useful as the current software update but loses its value quickly – not have I ever felt that lasting results of it – it is a means to keep people hanging on tragedy to keep them showing up to those expensive meetings”

I had very little use for counselling or therapy or support groups. Still don’t.

But this experience – was simple, sincere, natural, authentic – and genuinely changed my perspective on life.

And it just makes sense. I’m sitting here today, 5 months after my 2 hour session at Unbridled Coaching, looking back at how wonderfully my life has turned in such a simple way.

I’m not worried about losing what I have learned, because what I discovered about myself and about my life was instantaneously a part of me – a part of my life.

Being the city boy I am, I realized that I’ve been trained to look towards the “complicated” for the answers to my problems. I realized how incredibly distracted I am from who I am and my true potential, because everywhere I turn I have media, and news, and peers yelling at me at how I should be.

But the beautiful reality that lives inside me now, is the realization that all of this programming that has been thrown at me for the last 38 years, was undone in 15 minutes by a beautiful brown horse and two incredibly talented coaches.

What’s the point of me sharing this with you?

It’s very simple – everyone needs this. Coming back to the city, listening to my friends and family express the troubles and stresses that they have to deal with, I can see the priceless value of Equus Coaching.

I can see how valuable this experience would be to them – to help them find themselves again – to refocus on their lives, to connect with themselves in a way they never could through therapy, or Oprah, or support groups.

This ladies and gentlemen is “the real deal”

And I know this with surety because it has provided me with the tools needed to carry on my own – without having to pump thousands of dollars towards it, or needing monthly reminders.

I’m spreading the word today, and have reserved some time on my Sunday to write this – months after the fact – because there are many of you out there that I care deeply for and want to be able to benefit from this as I have.

Thank you Marlene, Maureen and Dusty

Adam J. Duff

http://adamduff.com